For You
by Lillienne
Summary: AU. I don't know how to summarize this but here goes: K&K are bestfriends until Kaoru confesess that she loves him, Kenshin doesn't feel the same way for he's already in love with Tomoe or is he?...Cliche? Well, you just have to find that out by reading t
1. Prologue

Yey! You've come to check out my story!

I have been reading too many romantic novels recently, mostly tragic love stories. They somewhat inspired me to write this fic. Well, I am currently in the middle of another, non-AU RK fic, but the idea for this fic kept interrupting so that it became kind of hard to finish a chapter for "Promises from the Past." So I finally decided to write this down. I'm posting this because I'm really curious if there is an actual future for this story.

If this story resembles any of the other stories you've read or written, I'm really sorry but it is an actual original idea of mine. All I can say in addition is "Great Minds Think Alike"…and perhaps your mind is greater than mine…

And well, I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or anything connected to it. Yeah, ain't it sad?

But anyway, here is…

For You 

We were standing beside the Sakura tree that a long time ago we've adopted as our own. The breeze was blowing softly through the branches and some delicate white petals were falling down to settle on her hair, her shoulders.

She was going to say it.

I saw it in her eyes, even as she tried to avoid mine.

She was finally going to tell me.

And I didn't want her to. 

I tried to stop her by saying, "Don't say it."

She looked at me then. And I saw the hurt in her eyes.

But I still didn't want her to say it.

"You know," she said, softly.

I nodded my head, "Yes. Sano told me."

I saw her brows come together, and I knew she was angry at me. 

After all, I've seen her angry often enough. 

I've known her for most of my life.

Her chin went up and she looked me straight in the eye, "And you never told me you _knew_?"

Okay, I deserved that but I felt that I had to defend myself, "_You_ never told me."

With that statement I realized the sheer idiocy of my defense. 

She smiled sarcastically, "I thought you didn't want me to."

That was true. I didn't want her to say it. 

I already was with somebody great.

And she knew it. She knew how I felt about Tomoe.

Wasn't _she_ the one I told about the first time I saw Tomoe? Wasn't _she_ the one who helped me realize how special Tomoe was to me? Wasn't _she_ the one who convinced me to _go_ after Tomoe?

She's my best friend but I don't want her to say it.

She has been my best friend ever since I was eight and she was six. 

A little girl with a wild mane of jet-black hair and two sapphire pools as eyes.

***

She was sitting on one of the swings in the schoolyard. She desperately tried swing but her feet were too short and she couldn't get a good push to get a swinging motion.

I was watching her from the monkey bars and I was thinking that she should just ask somebody to help her. But I sensed the stubborn streak in her that refused to get help from anybody. 

Six years old and already Miss Independent.

But I could see that she really wanted to swing. And without a second thought, I walked over there, and began to push.

She looked at me, startled. I knew she wanted to protest, but I just kept on pushing her. 

Strangely enough, she let me. She didn't say anything. She didn't do anything to indicate I should stop. So I kept pushing.

Eventually, she picked up the rhythm herself and let her body maintain the swinging motion. I watched her for a few moments. 

She had her eyes closed. She looked like she was concentrating on something. 

Then she smiled. I remember thinking that she was real pretty when she smiled. And in the same breath denying to myself that I had such thoughts. She was a _girl_, after all.

Feeling that there was no point for me to stay any longer, I turned and was about to walk back to the monkey bars.

"Wait," I heard her say. I turned to look at her.

She stopped swinging and was just sitting there again on the swing. I waited for her to continue.

She looked at me intensely and said, "I know you."

I shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't care.

She frowned at me and continued, "You're the boy who beat up Makoto Shishio 'coz he was picking on Yahiko."

Well, my fight with Shishio was sort of a school legend now. After all, it got him a bloody nose and a weeklong detention for me. And that was just one of the many fights I was in ever since I came to this school.

"Kids told me that you are very good at fighting and stuff. They're kinda afraid of you. They also told me you had red hair, but I never thought that it was such pretty hair," she went on.

I scrunched up my face at her calling my hair '_pretty_'. I was a boy after all! Boys weren't pretty and definitely did not have '_pretty_' hair.

"I'm going back to the monkey bars, " I told her grumpily because she told me I had pretty hair.

She just looked at me and shrugged. Then she hopped off the swings and went for the monkey bars herself. 

I remember feeling a bit put out by her because she was invading '_my space_'. I was about to tell her that I didn't want her there, when she started speaking again.

"You know, fighting is bad. And being a bully is even badder."

I looked at her and realized that after that Shishio incident, she was the first kid in school who had voluntarily talked to me.

Most of the kids avoided me, even those who used to pick on me. I guess after countless fights and giving my opponents bloody noses and such, I have become sort of notorious. And after beating Shishio, the biggest, meanest bully of them all, I guess _I_ became the premiere bully on campus. My temper didn't help. I always had been a bit wild.

But there she was, talking to me. And calling me _bad_.

My temper flared up. I was getting angry at her. How dare she criticize me! I was about to give her the cut when she spoke again.

"I don't like fighting. It isn't nice. But it was kinda cool of you to beat Shishio. He was mean. He deserved that bloody nose. Wish I could have given him that one."

At that, I was taken aback. First, she says bullying is bad, and then admires how I beat up Shishio. Strange little creature.

"Hey, I bet you can't do the chicken," she suddenly said. She smiled at me tentatively, shyly.

Confused and curious, I asked her, "What's the chicken?"

And oddly enough, in that moment, our friendship began.

***

"Aish'teru, Kenshin," she said, softly.

There. She had said it. Put her emotions into words and said it.

And I still wish she hadn't.

She looked at me, with those big sapphire eyes, her emotions as clear as the summer sky written in them.

Part of me wished that I could tell her I loved her too.

I _did_ love her…just not the way she wanted me to.

So I said the only thing that I could, "I'm sorry."

I saw the pain and sadness come into her beautiful eyes.

I've hurt her. I wanted to take my words back, but they had been said.

I tried to make things better, "Hey, I'm really flattered that you…I mean, you're a great girl and any guy would be lucky if he…if you…I mean, I love you, just not the way you…"

I stopped, because I saw that this wasn't making it better. It rather made me sound like an idiotic, arrogant, insensitive lout.

I racked my brain for something to say that _would_ make this situation better, but I found nothing.

After all, what are you supposed to say to the girl who you consider the bestest friend you ever had, that you don't love her the way she does?

Then I saw her smile, a sad smile, but still a beautiful smile. And something in me shifted.

"It's okay Kenshin, you don't have to say anything," she said to me.

She knew me. She knew that I'd be searching for some way to make this better.

I gave it one last shot, "I really _am_ sorry."

I saw her wince and I wanted to kick myself. That wasn't what I wanted to say to her!

Although, it was what I felt like. Actually, it felt more like guilt. I wasn't exactly sure why I was feeling guilty.

Perhaps, I felt guilty because I couldn't return her love.

She had been so good to me, the best thing that could have happened in my life….and I _should_ have fallen in love with her….

Yet here I was, apologizing to her because I hadn't. Not the way she wanted me to.

Then I saw her looking at me. Intense, focused. As if she was absorbing every detail of me.

And something else over rid the strange guilt in me.

To dispel the fear that was taking over, I hastily and somewhat jokingly said, "But hey, nothing has changed, right? I mean, you and I are still buds, right?"

And there it was again, that sad, tragic smile. 

"No Kenshin, this changes everything."

She said it with such finality. And I knew it to be true. 

Her confession had changed everything.

And unbidden, I felt anger rise up in me.

Anger at her.

How dare she change what we had!

How dare she destroy our friendship! If only she could have kept her feelings to herself!

There was no going back now! She messed it up! She messed a good thing up! How dare she!

"Don't be angry, Kenshin," she said, in that soft tragic voice of hers.

Resentment and guilt taking the better of me I said, "Why? Why did you have to say it? Why couldn't you just have kept it to yourself?"

She looked at me, shrugged her shoulder, "Because…I had to…"

I looked at her, wanting to believe that things didn't have to change, knowing that they would, "Why would you destroy our friendship like this? Doesn't it mean anything to you?"

She looked at me, but this time there was something different in her eyes.

I recognized that it was anger. She was angry at _me_?

"I had to tell you Kenshin, because it would have destroyed our friendship!" 

I looked at her, not comprehending.

She looked briefly away, before saying, "Do you know how it feels to love somebody so much that it hurts?"

I didn't answer, I was unable to. 

She looked away, into the distance, before continuing, "I've loved you for such a long time…first as a friend…and then, well, more than a friend…"

She smiled bitter-sweetly, and I had the urge to tell her to shut-up, I didn't want to hear more!

But she went on, "At first, it was enough for me that you were my friend…I didn't want to ruin our friendship…I knew that if I told you of my feelings that it would change things…"

"Then why tell me?" I asked again.

She frowned slightly, "Then I realized that a part of me wanted you to love me back…that friendship wasn't enough… That I wanted you to have the same feelings for me that I have for you…I thought I could make you love me, I really did…Then you met Tomoe…and I wanted to kill you or her or both of you…" she laughed bitterly, as she looked at me, pain and something else in her eyes.

"But you encouraged me to go after her…you're the one who made it possible for us to get together…" I said in confusion.

"Well, that's my perversion," she answered, "Even as I wanted you for myself, I wanted you to be happy…she made you happy…"

I looked at her and in my confusion, I realized that I didn't recognize this person.

She looked at me sadly again, "I don't like the person I've become, Kenshin. I've become jealous, petty, covetous…obsessive. I don't want to be this person anymore Kenshin. That's why I needed to tell you. Put an end to this madness…"

I remember the day Sano told me that she loved me.

***

It was a week before the Tanabata festival. She and I had made it a sort of tradition to celebrate this festival by sitting on the rooftop of her house and to look for the two stars that were the symbols for the legend.

This year, however, I had other plans. Or rather, plans had been altered for me. 

Tomoe, who was a skilled painter, was having a small exhibition at an art gallery. Her work had been chosen because the gallery owner had been present at our school's art exhibit. It so happened that Tomoe had been showing paintings of the night sky. The gallery owner had been so impressed by her paintings that she had offered her a spot in her art show on Tanabata Day.

As her new boyfriend, I, of course, had been really enthusiastic and supportive and promised to be there on that night. Unfortunately, I had forgotten about the Tanabata tradition with my best friend until a week before the festival and the show.

However, I was confident that she would understand. After all, she had been my greatest supporter in my '_courtship_' of Tomoe.

As I had picked her up that morning at her house, as I always did, even after I had gone steady with Tomoe, I was still trying to find a way to best broach the change of plans. I was confident that she'd understand, but I also knew that I should tread sensitively. After all, a nine-year old tradition wasn't such an easy thing to break.

On our way to school, Sanosuke and Megumi joined us, as they always did. Things between the two had gotten a bit weird lately. They used to tease each other endlessly giving off the impression that they hated each other, but in the last couple of weeks, they had been seen sneaking off together. Well, it had been bound to happen.

As we were walking, Megumi said, "Hey, Ken-san, you must be really excited about your girlfriend being such a famous painter…"

I smiled as I answered, "Well, Tomoe-chan isn't _that_ famous yet…but I bet she will be someday…this art show may be something good for her…"

Of course I was excited and proud and well, if I may say so, arrogantly pleased that I was dating Tomoe.

She was one of the most beautiful girls at school. She also was very intelligent, very talented and very sought after. 

And that she was dating me…well, too bad for the other guys…

"What art show?" my best friend suddenly asked me.

Surprised, I looked at her, "The one I told you about, remember? Last week…"

She frowned a little, "Oh, that one…"

At that moment, Sanosuke put his hand on my shoulder and suggestively asked, "So Kenshin, after the show, where're you and the lady going to celebrate…or should I ask how?"

Megumi gave him a whack on the head, "You are such a hentai!"

Sanosuke straightened and looked at Megumi, "What? In case you don't remember, the show's on Tanabata Day…a festival that celebrates the illicit love of two star crossed lovers…"

Megumi rolled her eyes, "Okay, if you say it that way, it does sound mildly romantic…"

"The show's on Tanabata Day?" she again suddenly asked.

I looked at her, a bit confused, "Well, yes, I told you that, haven't I? It starts at eight in the evening."

She looked at me, a bit lost, "At eight…"

Figuring that this was as good a time as any, I said, "That's something I wanted to talk to you about. See, Tomoe asked me to come to the show and I said yes."

I was hoping that she would fill in the rest but she was looking at me so I continued, "And that's why I won't be able to come to your house this year for the you know…"

"But it's tradition," she said, a bit forlornly.

I kind of felt like a heel but this was important to me and I hoped she'd understand, "I know, but this is really important to Tomoe and I want to be there for her…you understand, don't you?"

For a brief second, I saw something that looked like anger cross her features but in the next instant she took a deep breath and pasted a bright smile on her face.

Smiling at me, she said, "Sure, I understand. That's okay, really."

"Are you sure?" I asked her, although I was relieved that she saw it my way.

"Of course I am! It's just that it would be our tenth year and I had planned something special…but never mind…this is really important to you, so it's okay, I don't mind…"

Then she suddenly turned and walked off. Megumi looked at me for a second then at Sanosuke before she hurried after her.

Confused and a bit disconcerted by what just happened, I looked at Sanosuke for answers.

He shook his head, and said, "Dude, don't look at me for answers…it is kinda hard for her to be in love with you, since you have Tomoe and everything…"

"What?" I asked him, startled by his statement.

"I think I shouldn't've said that…Megumi's going to kick my ass for that later…" Sano said a bit sheepishly.

"What do you mean it's kinda hard for her to be in love with me?" I asked him.

Sanosuke looked at me, "Well, it is."

I laughed at that, "She isn't in love with me!"

Sanosuke cocked his head, "Yeah you're right, she isn't."

He started walking. I stood there for a few seconds, before I hurried after him.

We walked side by side for a few seconds in silence, before I said, "She's really in love with me."

Sanosuke glanced at me, "I should've kept my mouth shut."

I looked at him and said, "Yeah, you should have…"

So she was in love with me. My best friend was in love with me. It boggled the mind, confused the senses. It was going to change everything.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked him.

"Do you really want my opinion?" Sanosuke asked, dubiously.

"Strangely enough, yes," I answered. And it was the truth. I didn't know what I should do.

Sanosuke looked at me seriously, "Don't tell her that you know."

I frowned, "Why?"

"Are you in love with her?" he asked instead.

When I didn't answer the question, he said, "Look, if she finds out that you know, she's just going to be embarrassed. Besides, if you tell her you know, you're whole friendship is going to be kaput."

"Isn't me knowing ruining our friendship as well?" I asked him, confused.

"Listen man, at the end of this year, you're leaving for college…that's going to give you a lot of distance from each other…if you don't tell her that you know and she never mentions that she is in love with you, I think you're going to get through this with some of your friendship in tact…do you _really_ want to ruin your friendship?"

When I shook my head, Sanosuke put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Listen man, sometimes the best thing to do is let lying dogs sleep…"

***

Well, the lying dogs were certainly up now. 

I looked at her, wanting to go back in time, change everything that had happened since that day Sano had told me.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked her.

Again, that sad smile as she answered, "Our separate ways."

That wasn't an acceptable answer. This couldn't be the end.

"We don't have to, you know…" I said, desperately trying to keep things as they were.

I wasn't prepared to lose her.

"Yes, Kenshin, we do," she said.

I wanted to interrupt her but she continued, "I love you," I winced and she smiled at that, "Hey, I love you but I don't expect you to love me back…well, I want you to but I don't expect you to…"

I wanted to interrupt again but she held her hand up, "Listen, let me say this. Being around you is just going to make it worse. I would want you so much to see me as something more than just a friend until I'd resent you if you don't…and I know you will probably never see me more than just a friend…besides, you have Tomoe and she is really great and as much as I want to hate her, I can't because she makes you really, really happy. And I want you to be happy, I truly do. So this is the only way I know I can keep myself from doing anything really stupid that's going to make you, Tomoe and me miserable."

A petal landed on her nose, and she flicked it away before continuing, "Besides, it's too painful to watch you and Tomoe act all lovey-dovey around each other. I'm in love with you, but not a masochist. Telling you of my feelings was perhaps selfish of me, it must be a burden to you, but I can't help but be a little selfish. I only wanted to tell you so that maybe after I did, I can start getting over you. And the best way to do that is by going our separate ways. This is really the best for us Kenshin."

I took a deep breath, "So what, we're no longer friends?"

"Do you want us to no longer be friends?" she asked instead.

"No," I answered, simply. Because that was the truth. Even after this, I still wanted to be friends with her.

She smiled at me, that tentative, shy smile of hers, "I guess we'll always be friends, in some way."

"Do you know what today is?" I asked her. It was totally irrelevant but I wanted to stall for time, knowing that soon it would be goodbye.

She smiled, "Yes. It's Tanabata Day. I guess Orihime-san and Kengyu-san won't be meeting tonight in the sky with us watching."

I tried for levity, "What a day to break traditions and friendships, huh?"

But as an attempt it severely failed.

The breeze became stronger and the branches of the Sakura tree started to sway in the ancient wind dance.

Sakura petals started to fall, on me, on her.

And in that moment, I thought her so beautiful, that it took my breath away. Something inside of me shifted again.

And in the same moment I knew that that was it. Goodbye.

"I wish I…I really…I…" I tried to tell her how much I regretted that it had to end this way.

But she put a finger on my lips to silence me, "Don't make this harder than it already is."

But I couldn't let this end without saying anything, so I said the one thing I could, "Thank you."

For being my friend. For loving me. For being such a wonderful person.

Then it hit me. Instead of feeling anger or regret that she loved me, I should be thankful that someone like her would love me. I should feel humbled that this beautiful, spirited, intelligent, generous, complex woman loved me.

And I _did_ feel grateful and humbled.

I wanted to tell her that but all that came out was, "Thank you."

And maybe she understood, for she smiled, "You're welcome, Kenshin."

There we stood, looking at each other, knowing that this really was it.

Another petal landed on her nose, and this time I reached out to flick it off. Before I could withdraw my hand, she took hold of it with her hands and gently kissed the back of it.

"Sayonara, Kenshin," she said softly.

Then she let go of my hand, turned and walked away.

As she neared the end of the path, where it intersected with the main road, I saw her stop.

And for one heart stopping moment, I thought she would turn back and come running back towards me.

But then she lifted her face to the sky, and I knew that she had her eyes closed and she was smiling, exactly like the way she had on that day on the swing when I first met her.

Then she looked ahead, squared her shoulders and walked on.

And as the petals kept raining down on me, I realized two things.

I hadn't said goodbye to her.

And that I lied about not being in love with Kaoru.

Should this be continued?

___

I sort of have an idea where this is going, but I thought I should solicit your opinions first.

So, I hope you go on and send a review for this.

If you like it…then, yey for me!

And if you don't…feel free to flame me! I've got my flame-retardant underwear on! And some nice big marshmallows and some chocolate bars and some graham crackers and my guitar to sing camp fire songs with!

Neeway, looking forward to your feedback,

Your humble scribe,

Lillienne

***Tanabata Day          **            My sources tell me it's celebrated on July 7. According to legend it's the day that the stars Orihime (Vega) and her lover Kengyu (Altair) meet in the skies over Japan. The 7th day of the 7th month is the only day the two lovers are permitted to see each other since they had allowed their love to interfere with their heavenly tasks. And I'm using the Japanese school year, which according to my sources runs from April through March, in case you wondered. 


	2. Chapter One

_Here is the long, long, very overdue next chapter:_

For You 

* * *

A phone rang, but Kenshin ignored the noise. Huddled in his bed under a ton of blankets, Kenshin tried to fall asleep.

But between the coughing fits, the runny nose, his splitting headache and now the incessant ringing of the phone, he found it hard to sink into that blessed oblivion.

"Hello, I'm unavailable right now. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you when I can. BEEP."

Finally, his answering machine picked up the call. He half listened for the message, not intending to get back very soon to whoever was calling.

But at the first words of the caller, Kenshin roused himself to pick up the cordless phone on his desk.

"Hey," he greeted the person on the other side of the line, as he shuffled his way to the kitchen.

"Kenshin, is that you?" a male voice asked in surprise.

"No Sano, it's Nobuhiro Watsuki," he replied gruffly.

"Who?" was the confused query.

"Never mind," Kenshin answered grumpily.

"Are you okay? You sound terrible…" Sano asked, concerned. He'd never heard Kenshin so grumpy before. Plus it sounded like a frog had taken residence in his throat.

"I know, I feel a lot worse too," Kenshin said, opening a cabinet to get out a glass.

He heard some whispering from Sano's side of the line, as he filled his glass with OJ. He grimaced as he swallowed the liquid. Ever since he'd gotten sick, everything tasted like soggy newspaper.

Not that he'd ever tasted soggy newspaper; he just figured it must taste like that if he ever did.

"Flu?" a concerned female voice asked him.

"Hey Megumi," Kenshin greeted Sano's wife.

"Hello, Kenshin. Is it flu?" Megumi asked again, this time more like the doctor she was.

"No just the colds, but it feels a lot worse…" he answered as he shuffled back to his bedroom.

"You men are all like babies when you get sick," she said.

"That's not true!" Sano said from an extension.

And while the two were having their usual banter, Kenshin settled himself back in bed, checking the clock on the nightstand to see if it was time to take his medicine again.

It was funny but the cough medicine he was taking was supposed to make him drowsy, but he wasn't really feeling the effects of it.

"Guys, I really like to hear from you, but I'd like to get some rest now, if that's ok with you," he interrupted Sano and Megumi's War of the Words.

The two instantly stopped fighting, and Megumi said in her best doctor's voice "Fluids and rest, Kenshin, you understand?"

"Yes, Doc, I understand," Kenshin answered Megumi, a slight smile on his lips.

"Okay, I'll call later to check-up on you."

"No need to do that, Megumi, I'll be fine, promise," Kenshin assured her as he closed his eyes while settling himself more comfortably in his bed.

"For Heaven's sake woman, Kenshin's a grown man, he can take care of himself, it's just the colds," Sano said to his wife.

"That from the man who acted like he contracted a rare disease and was dying, the last time he'd gotten sick," Megumi fired back before saying goodbye to Kenshin and reminding him again to take his rest and his fluids.

"The woman's not worth it sometimes," Sano grumbled

"But you're crazy about her just the same," Kenshin said, chuckling, knowing that his friend loved his wife with all of his heart.

"Yeah, you're right buddy…but before I forget, I called to ask if you are still coming to Tokyo this Friday."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world…'sides I have to do this whole speech thing…" Kenshin assured him, yawning at the end.

"Good, I'll see you then… maybe the old gang could go out together to dinner or something…"

"Sure," Kenshin replied, wondering if _she_ would come.

"Is Tomoe coming too?" Sano asked.

"Uh, I don't know, she's really busy with stuff…" Kenshin replied drowsily, suddenly feeling sleepy.

"Too bad…anyway, see you Friday."

"Yeah, bye," Kenshin said, feeling himself slipping into oblivion.

"Bye." They both hung up.

Right before he fell asleep completely, a question bounced inside his drowsy mind.

Will _she_ be there?

* * *

"Let go," he suddenly said to her.

Startled, Kaoru looked at him, "What?"

"Let go," he said again, his ice blue eyes, deceptively blank at times, were focused on her face.

She understood what he meant, but with a sad shake of her head she said, "I can't, it's too hard."

He'd known that she'd answer like that, but this time he wasn't relenting.

"But not impossible," he told her.

With a sad smile, she conceded, "No, not impossible…just hard."

There was such an air of abject misery and indefinable sadness about her. It had been that way the first time she'd come to see him, and now, months after, it was still there, undiminished and undiluted.

He tried to be gentle with her at first. Let her set the pace of their sessions. But with each week that passed, no progress had been made, that he finally decided to take the blunter, more direct approach.

But somehow, a part of him had known that she would resist. He sensed that something else than the normal grief over loosing someone was holding her back.

He desperately wanted to find out what it was so he could help her move on. But whatever it was, she kept it closely guarded inside of her. Maybe she wasn't even aware of it.

Kaoru looked at the man sitting in front of her. The first time she'd come to see him, she'd found his cold, detached demeanor intimidating. But after a few minutes talking to him, she found that it was exactly this detached manner of his that made it easier to talk about herself.

She'd only agreed to see him after all her friends had expressed their concern and threatened to hold an intervention. The last thing she had wanted was an intervention, especially by her friends, although they meant well.

All she'd really wanted was to be left alone, and process her grief on her own. But the threats from her friends finally made her go and see Dr. Shinomori.

At first, she thought she could just go and pretend to see him, walk inside his building and then leave after a few minutes. But she hadn't counted on Misao and Megumi, her two best friends in the world.

They literally escorted her to Dr. Shinomori's office and waited outside in the reception room, until she was finished with her session.

And to her surprise, she liked talking to Dr. Shinomori. He wasn't one of those therapists who asked you millions and millions of question, who told you what your problem was, and what the solution to the problem was.

It felt safe to talk to him, comfortable even. He always waited for her to start the conversation, asking her questions here and there to help her get to wherever she needed to go.

But it was that same attitude of his that made it easy to avoid talking about her real problem. The deep, dark feeling she kept hidden inside. The one that made it hard to let go of that sadness that had come over her ever since that day…

"Kaoru," came the gentle prodding.

Startled once again, she refocused on his face. There was something different there today.

In his calm voice, Dr. Shinomori said, "Even when we think that the world has come to a grinding halt, life, cruelly so sometimes, keeps on going. And that is what you need to do…you need to let go and move on…"

Kaoru could not believe what she was hearing. Where had the unobtrusive therapist gone?

He smiled, or what would have passed for a smile, a tiny lifting of the corners of his mouth.

"Before you start protesting, I have to tell you that I deliberately let you set the pace of our sessions for the past few months. I sensed that you didn't need another person prodding you to move on. I hoped if I let you do the talking and the exploring, you might be able to move on, on your own. But after all this time, that hasn't happened. That same sadness and whatever you are keeping to yourself is still there…and unless you acknowledge that it is there and you let go of that…we're just wasting our time here…"

All that was said in his gentle, soothing voice that Kaoru found so reassuring.

What she didn't find so reassuring was how perfectly he had assessed her. Then again, wasn't it the man's job to do that?

Kaoru looked up at the painting behind him, looking for the words to explain something she didn't know how to explain even to herself…or was afraid to acknowledge.

But he continued, "Listen, what I want you to do is take some time off…"

"I have no time for a vacation…" she immediately protested.

"Make the time," he said in a decisive forceful voice.

"I can't…I have this thing on Saturday and the next few weeks are just…" Kaoru tried to find reasons and excuses.

"Kaoru, you need to take some time for yourself."

She looked at him, trying to make him see it her way, "I can't take time for myself, I just can't."

"Kaoru, yes you can. And you must. You haven't stopped long enough to move on."

With a wry smile she asked, "Isn't that an oxymoron?"

He ignored her statement,

"You told me that work has kept you sane by not letting you think about him all the time. But I think that by working so hard, you've only made it worse. You haven't processed your feelings properly, just pushed them aside. But no matter how much you try to ignore your feelings, they're still there waiting for that day they can pounce on you."

"I'm ok. I really am…" Kaoru tried to convince him.

"Are you?" he asked.

She 'd known she could not convince him. She couldn't even convince herself.

Pain, grief and sadness were easier to deal with if she ignored them, Kaoru had found out. That is why she'd immersed herself in her work. But somehow, no matter how much she tried, those feelings could not be ignored completely.

"Take that vacation, Kaoru, for your peace of mind."

"I don't like to hurt," she whispered.

"Nobody does…but even the biggest wounds heal," he told her.

"But they scar," Kaoru looked up at him.

He shrugged his shoulders, "Life isn't always fair."

Kaoru smiled sadly, "I know."

A discreet sound in the background signaled that their time was over.

Sitting up, Kaoru felt both relief and regret that the session was over.

Dr. Shinomori wrote some last-minute notes on the pad on his lap.

"Are you writing me a prescription?" Kaoru asked, that same wry smile on her face.

Confused, he looked up, "For what?"

"That vacation I'm supposed to take. They're doctor's orders, aren't they?"

This time he smiled fully, "They are."

"Any particular destination in mind?" she asked, slightly dazed by his smile. She could actually see what had gotten Misao so hot and bothered over him ever since she'd introduced the two.

"Not really."

He actually knew a few retreat places that would be good for her, but he wanted Kaoru to decide where she would take her time off.

"I just want a promise that you will take that time off…" he looked at her expectantly

Instead of answering, Kaoru stood up, gathered her things, turned to Dr. Shinomori and smiled.

"I guess I won't be seeing you next week, then."

Something about her manner made him suspicious.

"Kaoru, I hope you're not planning on deliberately missing our session next week, so I'll think you went on that vacation."

She blushed crimson, because that was exactly what she'd been thinking. Embarrassed that he could read her so easily, she tried to smile innocently, and mumbled a hasty goodbye.

Once outside the building, Kaoru looked up at the sky, noticing that the clouds had gathered in a mass of angry gray.

She closed her eyes briefly.

She was tired. So tired. But still she was afraid to stop, to take a moment for herself, afraid she would break into a million of tiny pieces.

Sighing, she made her way home, hoping it wouldn't rain on Saturday.

* * *

Two days later, Kenshin sat in front of his computer, trying to get some work done.

But all he'd written in the past two hours were two words, that didn't really count as work.

Rubbing his hand over his eyes, Kenshin sighed. Deciding that he needed a break, he rolled his chair back, and stood up to walk over to the floor-to-ceiling windows that afforded him a glorious view of the Kyoto skyline.

It was a curious view of traditional dojos mixed with modern high-rises. He liked to look down at it, marveling how old and new had found themselves in an odd aesthetic harmony.

He heard a melodious chiming in the background, and knew that somebody was at the door.

Only a few people were allowed to come up to his condominium unit without having to go through a call from downstairs.

Not really in the mood for company today, he reluctantly walked to the door to answer it, in the hopes and fears that it was his grandfather who'd come to visit him.

There was something about Hiko Seijurou that made it hard for someone to ignore him.

But when he looked through the spy-hole, he smiled in genuine pleasure.

He opened the door, and a smiling woman greeted him.

"Hello, Kenshin," she said in that soft voice of hers.

He stepped aside, to let her come in, "Haven't seen you in a while."

"I know," she said as she moved to the open living room with ease and familiarity.

Kenshin closed the door and followed her.

She pointed to one of his comfortable couches, "Do you mind?"

When he indicated he didn't, she sank gracefully into the black cushions.

He took a seat next to her, "Do you want to put your feet up?"

She looked at him eagerly, "Can I? They're killing me…"

Kenshin stood up to get an ottoman from the side and placed it under her feet as she lifted them.

She sighed in contentment, and Kenshin chuckled.

"A woman in your condition shouldn't be on her feet that much…"

"So they tell me," she agreed good-humoredly, patting her enormous belly, "but there is just too much work to be done…and unless you can find someone who is linked to me on a psychic level, I have to do what I have to do…"

He smiled at her, knowing how possessive she was about her work. And what a perfectionist she was about how her work should be displayed.

"How's the show coming?" he asked her.

She sighed again, this time with a hint of frustration, "I don't know…there are so many last minute details to take care of, it's driving me nuts! Plus I feel and look like a pumpkin!"

"But a cute pumpkin," Kenshin said fondly.

"That's what Akira says, every time I complain about it," she grumbled.

Kenshin looked at the woman, who he once thought to be his soul mate. On some level, this woman understood him like no other person did. Perhaps because of that, they were still friends today, even after what he had done to her so many years ago.

"Marriage suits you," he suddenly said.

That totally unexpected statement made her look up at him, "Thank you. You should try it sometime."

When he just gave a brief smile in reply, she decided to drop the subject and get to the reason why she came to visit him.

"You're still going to the reunion on Saturday, are you?"

"Yes."

"I wish I could go, too," she said wistfully, while rubbing her stomach.

"I don't think you should, in your condition."

"That's what Akira says, too," she grumbled again.

"Wise man, that husband of yours."

"I hope you think that way…you introduced us," she said, eyebrows raised.

Kenshin chuckled again. It was true, he'd introduced her to his editor four years ago, and to his surprise and delight, they'd hit it off. They'd been married for two years now, and were currently expecting their first child.

"You're happy, aren't you?" he asked her.

She looked at him, understanding the depths behind the question, knowing that a part of him was still afraid he'd hurt her too deeply.

For a while she thought he had. Then she moved on, and by doing that, she found the one man who loved her as much as she loved him. And for a strange, wonderful reason, Kenshin had led her to him.

"I couldn't be happier, Kenshin, believe me," she assured him.

He smiled in gratitude, knowing she understood.

"So, have you written your speech yet?" she asked to change the subject.

"No, not yet…I'm not even sure what I want to say," Kenshin said with a slight frown.

She smiled confidently, "It'll come to you…you're good with words…"

"I don't know, I just don't feel like I deserve the award I'm getting."

"But you do!" she said enthusiastically, "You do, Kenshin!"

He looked at her, still unsure, "I mean, look at you, you're successful…you've sold hundreds of paintings…"

She rolled her eyes at him, "I know, but they expected that of me! You on the other had, made a success of yourself on something that nobody expected you to do!"

Kenshin was about to protest some more but she forestalled him, "Just be gracious and accept the award…you've been accepting awards ever since you started your writing, so how can this one be any different?"

She had a point there, Kenshin had to concede that. But he'd never felt very comfortable receiving those awards either. He always had a sense of unworthiness about it. Not that he wasn't flattered that people wanted to give him awards, he just felt uncomfortable.

"I really wish I could go…" she said again.

"Me too," he said in reply, really meaning it.

She smiled softly, "I'm really curious about some old classmates of ours…Do you remember Yumi? You know the one who always was obsessed about her nose?"

"Yeah, Sano mentioned her recently…apparently she had her nose done and it turned out real bad, or so he tells me…"

She looked at him in horror, "What? That must be hard on her! Poor Yumi!…

They continued talking about some of their classmates, laughing at some of the sillier memories they had of High School.

Kenshin asked if she wanted something to eat or drink, and when she asked for a glass of water, he went to the kitchen to get it for her.

When he got back, they talked some more about the old days.

"How're Sano and Megumi doing, by the way?" she suddenly asked.

Kenshin chuckled, "They're still the same…"

"Remember when they called that they were getting married?" she laughed at the memory.

"Yes, I first thought law school must have fried his brains and he'd gone nuts!" he laughed at the memory of that phone call.

"Remember the wedding?" she said, laughing.

Kenshin suddenly became somber, "Yes, I remember."

Belatedly she remembered what had happened at Sano and Megumi's wedding and her face went instantly contrite.

"I'm sorry, I…"

Kenshin shook his head, "It's ok…"

But his eyes wandered to a painting on the wall opposite to where they were sitting.

It wasn't a very large painting. In fact it wasn't really the focal point of the room, but in some way, it had the power to draw a person's eyes to it.

It was a study of stillness in motion, as someone once remarked to Kenshin the first time the person had seen the painting.

The painting was of a Sakura tree in full bloom, petals falling from its branches to land on the ground. But the way it had been drawn, in such fluid strokes, it looked like the branches were actually moving in the breeze, the petals gently dancing to the ground. It was like the canvas had come to life.

But the most haunting thing about the painting was the faint figure that was a little to the left of the tree.

It was painted in such a way that you couldn't make certain if it was a man or a woman, and whether he or she was coming or going. The figure looked so forlorn and distressed, that a woman once commented to Kenshin that it looked like a man who was looking for his lost love.

Kenshin had always thought it looked like a woman walking away.

He wasn't sure why he kept it there.

"I think it's my best work so far," she said to him.

Kenshin smiled sadly, "Do you want to know what I call it?"

When she nodded, he said, "Moving on."

She looked at him, knowing the sadness that was inside of him, "Do you want to know what I originally called it?"

When he looked at her expectantly, she said, "Waiting."

"Tomoe…" he started but was interrupted by a melodious chime.

Somehow glad of the interruption, he stood up to answer the door.

She followed him "It's probably Akira…he lately has developed the habit of fetching me…"

Sure enough when he looked through the spy-hole it was Akira. He opened the door and greeted his editor.

"I'm here to collect my pumpkin," he said to Kenshin.

"Excuse me?" she said, eyebrows raised.

Chuckling, Akira continued, "And my wife too."

"You better watch what you're saying, Akira," Kenshin warned him laughingly.

"Idiots…" she muttered, but she kissed her husband on the cheek.

Then she turned to Kenshin, "You'll tell me all about the fun I'll be missing, won't you?"

"Do you want me to get it on video?" he jokingly asked her.

"Would you?" she asked, but he knew she wasn't really serious about it.

Akira laughed, knowing how much his wife had wanted to attend their reunion.

To Kenshin he said, "How's the next big Himura book coming along?"

"Not as easily as I hoped," Kenshin said on a sigh.

"Hey, no pressure man! Take some time off…re-charge your batteries…at the pace you've been writing you deserve it…"

"I'll think about it," he said. He didn't really want to take time off. He felt like he had to get to writing his next book immediately.

Only it wasn't working since he'd only gotten two words on page ever since he'd started two weeks ago.

Akira looked at him hard, knowing Kenshin well enough to know that the writer loathed taking time off in between projects. But he also knew that sometimes working too much and too hard only got the writer blocked.

"Well, call me if you decide to take that break, ok?" he told Kenshin before they said their goodbyes and left.

As Kenshin closed the door, he thought about the merits of taking some time off, and rejected them. What he really needed to do was get back to writing.

He walked back to the living room to get the glass Tomoe had used, and his eyes unconsciously went to the painting.

And the unbidden thought came to his mind…Will _she_ be there?

Smiling wryly at the perversity of his heart, he continued on to the kitchen, where he rinsed the glass and put it aside to dry.

From there he headed back to the study, where he took his seat in front of the computer.

Moving his mouse to reactivate the screen, he stared at the two words he'd written earlier: Chapter One.

To be continued…

* * *

__

_It took me some time to decide how I would continue the story. But after four months of deliberating on it, I still have no concrete idea. So, I finally decided to just start writing and see where it would lead. Hence, the somewhat unstructured chapter…_

_I hope you'll send me a review, to tell me what you think._

_Thank you for your patience._

_Lillienne_

_PS. I don't own Rurouni Kenshin or its characters…life really isn't fair!_


	3. Gray Skies and Rain

_Please go visit my site to see my replies to your reviews! The address is in my profile page…and here is the next chapter:_

**For You**

* * *

Light rain began to fall as he poured the sake over the two grave markers, an offering from his grandfather.

"One should not forget to honor the dead," his grandfather had said to him as the older man had handed him the two bottles of sake before Kenshin had left for Kyoto Thursday evening.

Now it was Friday, early morning, and Kenshin had come to the cemetery to pay his respects.

His more modest gift of flowers he placed inside the wooden bucket that had been there when he'd arrived. Somebody had put fresh flowers between his parents' graves.

Purple irises, his mother's favorite flowers.

He idly wondered who it could have been. He had no other relatives in Tokyo.

"Hello mother. Hello father," he said to the two gravestones.

How long has it been since he last came to visit? He felt slightly guilty when he remembered that it had been a while.

Together with that guilt came the dull ache of old pain. Time had made it easier to live with the loss but the memory of that day had been etched into his mind that he could remember parts of it in startling clarity.

Then again, he had a visible reminder of that day he carried with him all the time.

His hands touched his left cheek where the odd x-shaped scar was.

And without invitation, the bits and pieces played in his mind like a horrible montage of that day.

Tires screeching…his father's desperate attempt to steer clear…his mother's horrified scream…the deafening sound of a collision…the warm sticky feel of blood…the wailing sirens…the flickering red lights of an ambulance…the horrible realization of death and loss.

His parents had died in that car accident but he'd walked away with only a scar.

The old feelings of helpless rage, of how unfair life was, rose up in him, but were held in check by the wisdom of age that said to accept the things one cannot change.

He'd accepted the loss long ago when he found out that by surviving the accident it meant that he had to go on living.

But he hadn't realized that until that day she had looked at him with disgust and angry pain… his beautiful angel with her halo of silken black hair and her tear-soaked sapphire eyes.

He sighed. Life was complicated and unfair.

And yet, in all its chaos, one finds something to keep one going.

The rain was coming down harder and Kenshin reluctantly decided to end his visit.

After he said his goodbyes to his parents, he ran down the path towards a covered walkway.

He'd almost gotten to there, when he saw it.

A lone figured dressed in black, protected from the rain by a black umbrella, standing before a grave.

Without thought, he stopped. There was something about the figure that made him stop.

Yet at the same time, he wanted to move on. He didn't want to be a witness to that moment.

There was an air of sadness and loss about the black clad figure. From his own experience he knew how private one's grief was.

He didn't want to intrude, but no matter how much he tried, he could not walk away.

Partly hidden by a large grave marker, Kenshin watched the person, wondering what was keeping him there, rooted in place.

Was it the poignancy of the scene?

The strange beauty of it?

Was it because it reflected what he had felt earlier, standing over his parents' graves?

There was something achingly familiar about the scene. He'd seen this before…

Then the figure turned and Kenshin's eyes widened in shock as he recognized the person.

Kaoru.

Kenshin could swear that in that moment all the air left his lungs and his heart stopped beating.

He opened his mouth to call to her, but nothing came out.

He tried to go to her, but his feet wouldn't move.

He just stood there and watched her walk away.

A lonely figure in black, walking away in the rain. Again.

That feeling of déjà vu intensified, as he stood there motionless, watching her until she disappeared.

'Why was she here?' his mind asked. Without conscious thought, Kenshin walked towards the grave Kaoru had been visiting.

HayashiKichiro, he read.

How could he have forgotten? When almost one year ago, he'd been standing here, attending the funeral of this man.

That is why the scene earlier had been so familiar. He'd seen it before…Kaoru had been standing there in that same spot, grieving for this man.

What had he said to her that day?

"Time is a healer," he whispered to himself, remembering that day clearly now.

It had been raining…just like today…

She had looked up at him through glassy eyes, eyes that kept the tears inside, murmured "Thank you," and walked away.

Kenshin knew from experience that time was a healer, that pain lessened as months go by and you pick up the pieces of the life that was left behind…

So why was she still grieving like he had died yesterday?

Why was there still so much sadness in her?

'And why haven't you been there for her?' a tiny voice inside him asked.

'Because she had not wanted me there' he answered that voice. That was the truth but…not all of it.

Just then, he realized that he was soaked through from the rain. He looked up at the gray skies, feeling the fat raindrops fall on his face.

After one last look at the grave, he turned and left the cemetery, troubled and confused.

* * *

Misao stepped into the office she and Kaoru shared, in hopes of finding her friend and business partner there. There was something she needed to discuss with Kaoru.

Kaoru was talking on the phone. She looked up and gave Misao a brief smile of hello, then turned back to her phone conversation.

"We delivered one hundred fifty chairs, Mr. Yana. There is no way that there are only one hundred five there. I filled out the form myself and I specifically wrote down one hundred fifty chairs on the list for the things needed. Our crew counts twice before they deliver the materials to make sure they have everything that is needed for the physical arrangements…"

Misao sat down on her desk, looking at Kaoru inquiringly.

Her friend looked at her and mouthed 'Don't worry, I got it.'

Kaoru took one of the folders on the neat pile on her immaculately neat desk and opened it.

"I've got the list right in front of me, Mr. Yana and I assure you I wrote one hundred …"

Misao could see Kaoru scan down the list, then suddenly stop. Kaoru frowned, looked at Misao then looked back down at the list.

Then she said into the speaker, "Ah, Mr. Yana, I'll have the forty-five chairs delivered in an hour. Ok…I'm sorry Mr. Yana, you were right…I'll escort the chairs myself…I truly am sorry…See you in an hour Mr. Yana," and she placed the phone back in its cradle.

Misao watched as Kaoru kept staring at the list with a look of confusion and unbelief on her face.

"What's the matter?" she asked her friend.

Kaoru looked up at her, handing her the piece of paper, "Apparently I've developed some sort of dyslexia…"

Not comprehending what she meant, Misao took the paper and looked at the list.

There she read: 105 chairs. She looked back at Kaoru, who was rubbing her forehead.

"I can't believe I wrote 105 instead of 150! I checked that list five times…I check all my lists five times! I don't know how that could have escaped me!" Kaoru said to her.

"Hey, so you made a mistake, it's no big deal! We all make one sometime," Misao assured her friend.

"I don't," Kaoru said looking at Misao with a troubled frown. She couldn't believe that she'd written 105 instead of 150, and she couldn't believe she'd missed that!

Misao looked at her friend, whom she loved like a sister.

Kaoru had an extraordinary sense for organization and order. Granted, she might come off obsessive-compulsive at times, but her incredible attention for detail, no matter how small, made her the best at what she did. Some called her a perfectionist, but Kaoru didn't believe in half measures.

She was also incredibly unflappable, dealing with life's little surprises with a shrug of the shoulders and a back-up plan because she was the kind of person that planned for every contingency.

Misao used to envy that about Kaoru…and how she could go through the most stressful and draining situations and come out looking like a rose in first bloom, serene and unruffled like she'd done nothing more stressful than have a cup of tea.

But lately her friend had been coming apart. It was really surprising because one year ago, when life had dealt a shocking blow, she'd gone through the experience with extraordinary calm and composure.

When Misao herself would have become a weeping wreck, Kaoru had kept her eyes dry and gone through those terrible days with stoic dignity.

Yet ever since that day, there had been a cloud of sadness hanging over Kaoru… but she hadn't let that affect her job… until recently.

About four weeks ago, Kaoru had put pink table runners instead of peach ones on table settings for a wedding reception.

Nobody noticed the difference but Misao knew that Kaoru would have noticed the pink instead of the peach. That's how attentive she was to detail.

But to Misao's surprise Kaoru hadn't noticed at all. Misao didn't tell her, knowing that her friend would obsess about it if she'd know.

Odd little things like that had kept happening, but Misao wasn't really that worried until yesterday. Mrs. Yamaguchi, one of their long-standing clients, had hired them to do a lunch for her and her friends. From previous experience, she had let them decide what to do for the luncheon.

Misao had suggested some items she knew Mrs. Yamaguchi liked but she let Kaoru plan out the whole menu, trusting in her taste.

When she had gotten a printout of the menu, she was so surprised that her friend had put strawberry sorbet for dessert. Mrs. Yamaguchi was very allergic to strawberries. They both knew that. In fact, Kaoru kept mentioning that every time they had planned a menu for their client before!

Misao knew why Kaoru kept slipping up like that. That's why she decided to talk to her friend.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, ok? You're only human and you've been working too hard lately," Misao said, trying to console her friend and at the same time get the conversation started.

Kaoru rolled her eyes, "I've always worked hard…"

"But not like you did the past twelve months…" Misao looked at her friend, noticing how pale she'd become and that she'd lost weight.

Kaoru had a sense where this was going, but she wasn't up to it. She smiled vaguely in an attempt to stop the conversation and stood up.

Misao knew what her friend was doing, so she went directly to the point.

"I think you should take a break."

"I can't…I have to deliver forty-five chairs to Mr. Yana," Kaoru said flippantly, reaching for the tote bag she'd left on the floor beside her desk.

"That's not what I meant…Kaoru, I want you to take some time off from work."

Kaoru looked at her friend and coolly asked, "Was I a topic for discussion between you and Dr. Shinomori at dinner last night?"

She noticed Misao looked slightly hurt, as she replied, "No. Aoshi takes doctor-patient privilege very seriously. We never discuss any of his patients… not even you. You should put more trust in him."

Kaoru knew that she'd gone too far and she apologized, "I'm sorry, that was out of line…I do trust Dr. Shinomori…and I don't think he would want to talk about his patients when he's out with you."

Accepting the apology with a smile, Misao impishly said, "It's incredible how little we actually do talk…"

Kaoru raised an eyebrow, "Is that what you do at dinner with a man nowadays?"

"You know I've always had a weakness for dessert," Misao said, a sly grin on her face.

"Dessert? Is that what they call it now?" Kaoru smilingly teased, grateful that the subject had been changed.

"Maybe…you should try it sometime…you've been out of the dating scene too long," Misao said, instantly looking contrite when she realized what she had been saying.

Kaoru gave her an understanding smile, knowing that her friend meant well.

"Do you want to know how long it's actually been? Exactly one year…" she tried to joke.

But Misao didn't smile at that feeble attempt but asked instead, "Can I come with you when you go visit him?"

Kaoru guiltily said, "I've already visited him…"

"When?"

"Earlier this morning, before I came to work…"

"You should have let me come with you," Misao said, worried about her friend.

Kaoru shook her head, "No, I had to do this on my own…"

"Are you ok?" Misao asked.

"Of course!" Kaoru tried to smile brightly, but failed.

"Kaoru, you need to move on…it's been a year…"

Kaoru smiled sadly, "I know…"

"You should start dating again…there are a lot of men out there who'd love to go out with you…I should know, they asked me if…"

Kaoru gave Misao a horrified look "You're not planning on setting me up on a blind date again, are you?"

Misao flushed guiltily, remembering the last time she'd tried that. The results had been disastrous.

"No, no blind dates, I promise," Misao said to Kaoru, "But you should start dating again…"

"Misao…I know you mean well…but I'm just not ready yet," Kaoru said to her friend, willing her to understand.

"When will you be?"

"I don't know…I don't know if I'll ever be," Kaoru whispered sadly.

Misao got annoyed, "Kaoru! You have to get over him…this is no way for you to live! Why is it so hard to get over him? You've gotten over Kenshin, haven't you? At one time you thought_ he_ was your big soul mate…"

There was a momentary pause before Kaoru said defensively, "That was different…"

"You were the one who always said that when things fall apart, all you have to do is pick up the pieces and start over again…" Misao reminded Kaoru.

This time Kaoru flushed guiltily. It was true, that had been her motto.

Feebly she tried to defend herself, "It's different this time…"

"No it's not! You're just not trying!" Misao said forcefully.

"You don't understand…" Kaoru whispered and for the first time Misao noticed the suspicious moisture in her friend's eyes.

This stopped her short. In all the time since last year, this was the closest she'd seen her friend to crying.

She walked over and gave Kaoru a hug, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed so hard…"

"It's ok," Kaoru whispered, wanting to end this conversation.

Misao stepped back to look at Kaoru and pleaded gently, "Take some time off…"

Kaoru shook her head, "I don't think I can…there's too much to do…"

"Sure you can," Misao said gently, "After the reunion tomorrow you'll have time…"

"But what about…" Kaoru started.

"No buts…I can handle the few events that we booked already…besides, we do have a very efficient staff, you know," Misao said, "You really need to take some time off…go away on some exotic cruise or something…or go to a hot spring resort…find a hot guy to distract you…anything…just take some time off."

Kaoru looked at her friend, slightly bemused, "You really wouldn't mind?"

Misao frowned slightly, "Hmmm… would I mind if you'd get hot and heavy with a cute guy at a hot spring resort? I don't know…perhaps only if you'd find one for me?"

Kaoru had to smile as she teasingly asked, "And what about Dr. Shinomori?"

"Aoshi at a hot spring resort…that thought has merit…" Misao said with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

Kaoru couldn't help it, she laughed out loud. Misao was so startled by the sound that she looked at her friend like she'd metamorphosed into a two-foot chicken.

"You're head over heals with the guy, aren't you?" Kaoru asked her with a big smile.

"That obvious huh?" Misao asked wryly.

"Yeah, you have that glow of happiness about you," her friend said sincerely.

But Misao could pick up a small trace of sadness and…was it envy?

"I am happy…and I want you to be happy too," she told her friend.

Kaoru was really happy for her friend that she'd found someone nice like her therapist, but in the deepest part of her, she did feel slightly envious of Misao's happiness, because she knew how it felt to be in love…

"Hey, I'm really glad for you…Dr. Shinomori is a really nice guy," Kaoru said, to dispel the tiny niggling of envy.

"He is, and somewhere out there is a nice guy waiting for you," Misao said.

Kaoru smiled bitter-sweetly, "You think third times the charm?"

Misao smiled briefly, "Who knows?"

Instead of answering, Kaoru glanced at her watch and said, "I better get going and deliver those forty-five chairs."

Slinging the tote over her left shoulder, she made her way to the door, giving Misao an apologetic look.

Her friend looked at her intensely for a second before asking, "You will think about it, won't you?"

"About what?" Kaoru asked, pretending not to understand.

"About taking some time off," Misao said, concern and caring written on her face.

"I'll think about it," Kaoru said but just to placate her friend and walked out the office.

In the hall way she stopped briefly and closed her eyes.

Things were complicated…and she was tired…so tired.

She wished she could just crawl into bed and sleep for days and wake up to find out that last year had been only a bad dream…

* * *

Kenshin sat at the bar waiting for Sano to arrive. They made plans to have lunch together today, when Kenshin had called his friend from his hotel room yesterday to tell him he'd arrived a day earlier than planned.

Sano had called earlier to tell him he'd be a few minutes late. Kenshin didn't mind the waiting, it gave him some time to think about what he'd seen this morning.

Ever since he left the cemetery, he'd wanted to call Kaoru, but he hadn't because he didn't know what to say…the scene earlier had disturbed him too much.

"Hey!" someone standing beside him suddenly said.

Kenshin looked up to see his friend dressed in a dark conservative suit, with a matching conservative tie, holding a briefcase in his hand.

Although he knew that Sano was a lawyer, and a very good one at that, the image of conservative professional Sano somehow always clashed with the image of Sano in High School.

Kenshin smiled, "Hey Mr. Big Shot Lawyer."

Sano loosened his tie as he placed his briefcase on the counter and sat down on one of the stools, "I need a drink."

The bartender approached and Sano made his order, "Scotch."

With a few deft movements, the bartender produced the drink and handed it to Sano.

Sano finished his drink in one long swallow. With a bang, he placed the glass on the counter.

"Isn't it a bit early for that?" Kenshin asked wryly.

"Trust me, you'd need it if you worked for the man I call my boss," Sano said looking at him.

"That bad?"

"Worse," Sano grumbled. Then he saw a man sitting at the opposite end of the bar lighting a cigarette.

"Hey buddy," he called out, "do you mind not doing that in here?"

The man looked at him, at the lit cigarette and put it out in an ashtray.

"Thanks," Sano said.

Kenshin looked at the man, then at Sano and asked, "What's gotten into you? The last time I checked it was still legal to smoke in public places here in Tokyo."

Sano shrugged his shoulders, "Doesn't mean that I have to inhale all that second-hand smoke. Besides I saved the guy some lung cells."

"Very altruistic of you," Kenshin said looking at his friend.

"What?" Sano asked, seeing that probing look, but when Kenshin just kept looking at him, Sano relented.

"Ok, so I'm sick and tired of the smell of cigarette smoke. My boss keeps puffing his cigarettes right in front of me," Sano grumbled.

Kenshin had to smile, "He still does that?"

"Yeah! And only around me! I think he's doing it on purpose," Sano complained.

"Then sue him for harassment," Kenshin suggested.

Sano looked at him perplexed, "That thought never occurred to me."

Then he asked, "You think Saitou Hajime would part with his millions to give me a nice settlement?"

"Only if you'd win the suit. You think you could do it?"

Sano thought for a second, "Against The Wolf? I'm not sure…he's a tough lawyer to beat. It'll be easier if I just quit the job."

"Why don't you, then?" Kenshin asked his friend.

Sano sighed, "Because even if I think my boss is an ass, it's still the best law firm in Japan. I like the work, it's challenging…but let's not talk about that, ok? I haven't seen you in a while, there's better things to talk about.

Kenshin nodded, "How's Megumi?"

Sano smiled at the mention of his wife, "She's doing great…she loves it at the Genzai Clinic."

"Any mini Sanos or Megumis in the future?" Kenshin asked.

"We're trying," Sano said on a sigh.

Kenshin chuckled, "You make it sound like it's such a hard job."

Sano smiled wryly, "You're right…it's actually one of the easiest I ever had."

They both laughed.

"How bout you?" Sano asked, "Any chance I'll get a call from you someday soon to tell me you've decided to give up sacred bachelorhood?"

"I won't be making that call at all, I assure you," Kenshin said, the image of Kaoru this morning popping into his head.

Sano sensed his friend going somber and wondered if Kenshin was thinking of his and Megumi's wedding day.

Kenshin had been really heartbroken that day…but that had been almost two years ago, long enough for him to get over it.

"Have you seen Kaoru lately?" Kenshin suddenly asked his friend.

"No I haven't, but Megumi has. Why?"

"Nothing," Kenshin said, suddenly reluctant to discuss her with Sano.

Sano studied Kenshin for a second then said, "Can we go to the restaurant? I'm starved."

"Ok," Kenshin said, so they stood up and Sano gathered his things.

They made their way to the hostess, who led them to a table near the window where the friends took a seat.

A look outside the window confirmed today's weather forecast for Tokyo: Gray Skies and Rain.

* * *

_That's about it for this chapter. I just sat down in front of the pc and started typing away…I hope this chapter makes enough sense to tie in with the story. Thank you for the reviews. BTW, the 150/105 thing happened to me once during a math quiz! Plus, I don't know if there is a law that makes it illegal to smoke in public places in Japan…_

_More will be revealed in the following chapters…_

_Until then,_

_Lillienne_

_PS. Rurouni Kenshin isn't mine, but then again, you already knew that, didn't you?_

_Please visit my site…go to my profile page and click on the address._


	4. Sapphire Blue

**For You**

* * *

"Himura…Himura Kenshin!" somebody called as Kenshin headed towards the registration table.

He turned to look at whoever was calling him, expecting to see an old classmate of his. It was a woman in high heels, a slinky dress and a big delighted smile on her face.

He didn't recognize this woman. Probably a wife of some old classmate of his who happened to be a fan of his books.

Kenshin smiled politely as the woman approached him.

"I can't believe how little you've changed in the past ten years! You still go that gorgeous red hair of yours!" the woman exclaimed.

Kenshin frowned slightly. Apparently, this woman knew him better than he did her.

The woman smiled at him brightly, "So how have you been doing? We poor unknowns read a lot about you in the papers…"

Kenshin idly wondered if this was some crazy person and that he had a stalker or something.

But the woman apparently sensed his confusion and asked, "You don't recognize me, do you?"

Kenshin embarrassedly admitted it with an apologetic smile.

Instead of being offended, the woman laughed, "Of course you don't…I keep forgetting…It's me, Kamatari."

His eyes widened in shock. This couldn't be Kamatari! Kamatari was male the last time he'd seen him!

"I guess I changed quite a lot," Kamatari said with a wry smile.

Still in shock, Kenshin uttered, "Yes…you have."

And then he remembered his manners and said, "I'm sorry, that was rude of me."

Kamatari just smiled, "Hey, I understand! You kind of get used to the reaction...my own family was floored when they saw me after the operation."

Kenshin looked her over and had to say that the doctors who'd operated on his former classmate had done a pretty good job.

Kamatari used to be his sparring partner during Kendo in gym class. Kenshin never entertained the idea that Kamatari had any inclinations to change gender; he'd been such a jock back in high school.

But although all this was a shock to Kenshin, he had to admit he…she looked great.

"You look amazing," Kenshin said to her, meaning it.

Kamatari smiled, "Thank you very much for saying that."

Kenshin didn't know what to say after that.

"You can ask me, you know," Kamatari said to him,

"Ask you about what?" Kenshin asked confused.

"The operation, silly…you can ask me, I won't be offended," she said laughingly.

But Kenshin thought it would be rude to ask her about such a private thing, so he asked instead, "Actually I wanted to know what you're doing nowadays."

Kamatari smiled understandingly, "I run my own accountancy firm."

Kenshin raised his eyebrows, "Impressive."

"But not as impressive as you, Mr. Bestseller of the Year," she replied.

Kenshin smiled modestly, not very comfortable discussing his success as an author.

Kamatari apparently picked up on that because she started to make small talk about various classmates of theirs.

They'd been talking for a while when somebody tapped Kenshin on the shoulder. He turned to see another smiling woman. However, this one he recognized.

"Tae! How are you?" he asked the woman, who was the president of their alumni association.

Smiling brightly, she answered, "I am doing great! And I'm so glad that you're here already, we're about to start our program, almost everyone is out in the garden…"

Kenshin noticed that there were only a few people left standing inside the reception area and that most of the reunion guests were already outside in the garden. He wondered if Sano and Megumi had arrived already. He'd probably missed them.

Smiling at the two women, he offered his two arms and said, "Shall we?"

As they stepped out into the garden, several familiar faces approached them with smiles and greetings.

Kenshin put on a friendly smile, genuinely pleased to see his former classmates, but ever so often he would cast a glance around the room to spot Sano or Megumi.

Having searched for them in vain, he finally turned to one of guys who'd he'd been small talking with.

"Have you seen Sano?"

"Sagara?" the man asked him, "No I haven't…that's no surprise…he was always late for important stuff."

The men laughed, remembering Sano's problems with punctuality.

Then a sound came, like someone was tapping on a microphone.

"Hello, hello…oh it's on…Good evening ladies and gentlemen…I would like to ask all of you to find your seats, we're about to start with our program…"

There was a general rush of people as they tried to find their seats. Kenshin looked around the room to spot Sano and Megumi again, but through the small confusion of people trying to get to their tables, he couldn't see them.

He made his way to the table in front where Tae had told him he'd be sitting. Greeting his tablemates, he sat down and started chatting with the guy next to him.

Then Tae stepped on the raised platform that served as their stage, microphone in hand.

* * *

There was a loud crash and the busy kitchen came to a standstill. Everyone's eyes went to the source of the loud crash.

A stack of immaculate dinner plates where on the floor in pieces.

Exactly at that moment Misao came in and saw the disaster.

"Oh fu…fennel," she said after a pointed look from Kaoru, who was holding a broom in her one hand and a waste bin in another.

Someone took the stuff out of Kaoru's hands and began cleaning up the mess.

"How did that happen?" Misao asked.

"I don't know exactly. One minute they were all stacked up on that counter, the next thing you know, they where on the floor," Kaoru said, calmly arranging something on a platter.

"Do we have enough plates?" Misao wanted to know, as some people were carrying platters outside.

"Of course we do," Kaoru answered, after she gave some instructions to a girl.

Misao smiled, "Right, I forgot…I'm with the Queen of Contingency."

Kaoru gave her a look but Misao just smiled back.

"You know it amazes me how much you can remain calm in situations like these…I'd be running around like a headless chicken screaming my head off…wait, that doesn't make sense…" Misao said, frowning slightly.

Kaoru grinned at her friend, "You think I'm calm?"

"Yeah, look at you…you're all Ms. Organized-in-control…I mean we'd done huge parties and all…but this is kind of a big deal for you…don't you think?"

"It is a big deal to me…some of these people out there I knew in High School…but if I'd go around all nervous…"

"I know…if you'd go around all nervous then I'd go nervous and everything would fall apart," Misao said to her friend.

Kaoru laughed, "I don't think it would go that bad! It's just that I want to appear competent and in control…"

"Believe me, you got that down to a science…" Misao said smilingly.

Shaking her head, she said to Kaoru, "I wonder what you'd be like if it was your reunion and not just a job!"

"Please! Don't mention that…it's just one year away…" Kaoru said in mock horror.

Misao laughed, "Don't worry about that, you'll wow them with your success."

Kaoru gave her friend a grateful smile, and then turned back to what she had been doing.

"I just saw Sano and Megumi arrive a couple of minutes ago…" Misao mentioned to her friend as she began stirring something in a pot.

Kaoru laughed again, "Typical! They were always sneaking in late at important assemblies…"

Misao with a naughty expression said, "Really…I wonder what kept them…"

Kaoru gave her that same expression and they both started laughing.

"It must've been really fun back in High School, you know, you and the gang…" Misao said wistfully.

She and Kaoru had met in college, becoming fast friends while they had tried to survive their erratic psychology professor.

It had been fun, Kaoru remembered. She and Kenshin had been friends since grade school. Kenshin and Sano had become friends in fourth grade. Megumi had gone to another school, so the four of them had really started hanging out when Kaoru had been a freshman with Megumi. She'd skipped a grade so she had been only a year behind Kenshin and Sano who'd been sophomores at that time.

It had been fun until the day the four of them had become five and Kaoru had felt like the odd girl out. And to make it worse, she had to fall in love with her best friend and tell him.

Thinking of that day, Kaoru wondered if she should have kept her mouth shut.

"You must be excited to see Kenshin again," Misao said.

Looking at her friend blankly for a second, her mind processed the words. Excited? That wasn't the word for it, exactly. She didn't know what it was. Suddenly she felt confused…then again, wasn't this confusion familiar?

Instead of answering her friend, she turned to one of her wait staff and handed him the platter.

Misao noticed something about her friend but instead of commenting further, she turned back to the pot she was stirring, She tasted the soup and decided that it needed more salt.

* * *

A few people were called on stage to receive awards and made speeches. Some were solemn, some were incoherent and some were hilarious. Kenshin laughed with the rest of the people at a joking reference to the "Lab Incident". The whole science wing had to be fumigated.

Then a few of their teachers came up to say some words. There was more laughter as their former history teacher recounted the hours of frustration he apparently had to suffer teaching their class.

Their former principal, now retired, also made it on the stage to say a few words, mentioning some of the regulars in his office during high school who had grown up to become "fine upstanding citizens of Japan". Miracles apparently did happen. More laughter.

Now they were shown a clip, much like a music video, of their time back in high school. A montage of the various events played on the screen, accompanied by an upbeat song saying something about the good old days.

To most people high school was something they'd rather forget but to Kenshin it had been the best years of his life.

Until his senior year.

In retrospect, that was the year when he first learned the lesson of loss. And ten years later, he's still not gotten over that loss.

Feeling uncomfortable with the way his thoughts were heading, he made a surreptitious sweep of the room to see if Sano and Megumi were already here.

But a part of him, although he knew it would be impossible, was looking for another face.

What would she be doing here? It wasn't her reunion.

His eyes passed the buffet table, set up at the side of the garden, laden with food and he stopped.

The image of Kaoru yesterday had the unsettling way of popping up at odd times. Like right now, he could swear that he was seeing her standing at the buffet table, her back to him.

She had been true to her words when she had said that fateful day more than ten years ago that they'd always be friends no matter what.

In some form or manner, they'd always have kept in touch, yet not as often as he would've liked…because just as he'd always known what would happen after her confession, things had become awkward between them.

Especially since the day Kenshin had seen the evidence that she had gotten over him and he'd just began to understand the way he felt about her.

Kenshin sighed. Sometimes it wasn't worth it…but he just couldn't stop what he felt for her. And that image of Kaoru, her back to him, would always be hauntingly clear in his mind.

Kenshin closed his eyes in an attempt to make the illusion go away.

But to his shock when he opened his eyes, the figure of Kaoru he thought was the creation of his confused mind, turned and looked at him, surprise on her face.

Then she smiled at him and Kenshin lost all conscious awareness of his surroundings. Kaoru was really here.

She said something that looked like the word "Go" but he wasn't sure, so surprised was he to see her.

She made some gestures with her hands, pointing to the stage and Kenshin, still in stupor, turned to where she was pointing.

At first he didn't understand what she meant but his seatmate nudged him and said, "Go!"

And then finally he realized that he'd been called to the stage. He stood up mechanically and walked towards the platform. Still in a daze, he received the award from Tae, who was smiling at him and saying congratulations.

He looked at the plaque in his hands, at Tae, at the flood of people in front of him with eager smiling faces.

He knew that he was expected to make a speech. He'd been sitting in front of his computer for hours trying to come up with the suitable words for such an occasion. But somehow seeing Kaoru here had rattled him so much that his mind had only one thought it could play over and over again.

She smiled at me. She smiled at me. She smiled at me. She smiled at me.

He looked over to where he knew she was standing. She was smiling at him expectantly.

And somehow that got him out of his temporary daze.

"I'm sorry…my head had to shutdown for some hard drive failure," he said into the microphone, "It's rebooting."

There was some laughter and a loud male voice shouting, "Go Kenshin!" There was some more laughter.

Kenshin saw Sano with Megumi beside him. They'd been sitting at the table right behind his. That is why he hadn't seen them.

He cleared his throat, and took something out from inside his suit jacket.

"I found it ironic that for someone who sells words for a living, I found it really difficult to find the right words for tonight. But eventually I did get something bordering on the coherent on paper. Allow me to read what I've wrote…I was always bad at memorizing speeches…"

"That's true!" a former teacher of his affirmed loudly and the crowd burst out laughing.

Kenshin chuckled as well. He unfolded the piece of paper and began.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you for this honor. I feel flattered that you would think me most successful classmate… here it says 'wing it'…"

The audience laughed.

* * *

Watching Kenshin up on stage, Kaoru felt both proud and pleased of her friend's success.

To most people who knew Kenshin when he was younger, it had been a surprise when Kenshin became an author of fiction. Although, it shouldn't have been a too big of a surprise. Kenshin's father had been a professor of literature and his mother an editor for a popular local magazine.

But it was understandable that people had thought Kenshin wouldn't be inclined towards literary pursuits. Outwardly he'd always been a boy of physical action than of mental introspection. In high school he was the quintessential jock, played soccer and baseball. He'd been a star member of the kendo club, winning several trophies for their school.

But Kaoru had always known of Kenshin's talent, although she found out about it by accident. She found a short story by Kenshin on the floor in her bedroom, which must have fallen out of his notebook while they had been studying at her house.

Written in bold red letters across the top had been written the words: imaginative and excellent. Driven by curiosity, she'd read the story and by the last word had to admit that imaginative and excellent were the perfect words for Kenshin's creation.

Unable to stop herself, she'd confronted Kenshin the next day with the paper, "Why did you never tell me that you're such a good writer?"

Remembering the day, she smiled. Kenshin had blushed and asked her not to tell anybody, he'd be embarrassed if the guys knew about his writing skills. She'd understood how immature high school boys could be. They relentlessly teased their male campus journalists, calling them various unflattering names.

She'd agreed only if he'd let her read some of his other stuff he'd written. Kenshin had reluctantly agreed. After reading several of his works, Kaoru had thought that it was a shame that Kenshin didn't think of making a living by writing; he'd had the talent for it.

Her breath suddenly hitched and her insides did a crazy hiccupping thing as Kenshin glanced towards her, with that smile on his lips. It was a crazy reaction, she knew, but it was the same one she had earlier when their eyes met across the crowd.

It probably had been the surprise of seeing him. But that was silly because she already knew that he was attending the reunion.

Maybe it had been the look of utter surprise from Kenshin. Later on, as she would reflect upon that moment, she would swear she saw something more than pleasure on Kenshin's face at seeing her.

Kenshin's speech came to an end and there was enthusiastic applause from the crowd. Kaoru watched as he smiled modestly, thanked the crowd with a small bow and walked off the stage with the award in his hands. The people at his table stood up to shake hands with him, congratulating him and praising him for the speech.

With a shock, Kaoru realized that she couldn't remember any part of that speech. She'd been standing there looking at Kenshin and reminiscing about their past!

Someone nudged her. Turning around, she saw a smiling Misao.

"Hmmmm…" her friend said speculatively.

"What?" Kaoru asked defensively. She didn't know why she was feeling that way.

Misao turned her head to look at Kenshin's table for second, then looked back at her friend.

"Nothing," she said, but that speculative gleam was in her eyes.

For a panicked second she thought that Misao knew the secret she kept hidden inside that made it so hard to let go of …but then she mentally shook the thought out of her head.

Misao was probably thinking of the conversation they had this morning as they were preparing for the reunion.

"You know, Kaoru, there might be some cute guys here later…" she'd said slyly.

"I thought you were serious about Dr. Shinomori," Kaoru had replied.

Misao had looked affronted, "I am! I was thinking of cute guys for you!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she'd said to her friend.

"You know, since you out rightly forbid me to set you up on blind dates and knowing how shy you can be about approaching total strangers, I just thought that tonight might be a good way for you to meet somebody…since you might know a few of the people attending…"

"Misao, we're on the job here…I'll hardly have time for socializing!"

"Hey, just trying to help…"

"I know, Misao, I know…"

* * *

People were making their way over to the buffet to sample the sumptuous feast provided by the caterers.

It was funny how it never occurred to Kenshin that Kaoru's company might be catering the event.

"Hey, great speech, man," Sano gave him a slap on his back.

"Thanks," he said in reply.

Megumi leaned forward to give Kenshin a kiss on his cheek, "Hey handsome."

Kenshin smiled as Sano muttered, "Any other man she'd greet like that would be lying on the floor right now."

Megumi chuckled, "Don't mind him, he's just hungry."

"I'm glad that Jou-chan's catering the event. The food will be phenomenal," Sano commented as he glanced over at the crowded buffet table.

It had been a while since he'd last heard Sano call Kaoru by that silly nickname he'd given her back in fourth grade. Kaoru had nicknamed Sano 'tori-atama'.

"How come you didn't tell me Kaoru was catering?" he asked his friend now.

"I thought I did," Sano answered.

"No you didn't…but never mind," he said to his friend. Secretly he was glad that he hadn't been told.

Later on, as he would reflect upon that evening, he would examine the truth of that. Had it really been better that he didn't know for sure that Kaoru would be at the reunion? After some deliberation, the answer was yes.

Of course, he had entertained the thought that he would see her. He'd known that the probability was great. Hell, he'd even planned to look her up, considering the last time he'd seen had been one year ago.

But if he had known for a certainty that he would see her at the reunion, he would have gone through the weeks prior to the event with impatient anticipation of the moment when he'd come face to face with her.

He would have obsessively and excessively gone through the scene, his writer's imagination conjuring up hundreds of scenarios and conversations. He would have convinced himself with the fantasy of finally getting the chance to tell Kaoru all the things he felt for her.

He would have been seduced by the possibility of a happy ending with the woman of his dreams…now that the other person that had stood in his way was finally out of his way, although he did feel a twinge of guilt and shame at this thought. The man died, after all.

Why was it better that he hadn't known that Kaoru would be at the reunion?

Because of what he'd witnessed at the cemetery on Friday. All his dreams and fantasies would have been destroyed and he would have attended the reunion miserable and depressed.

Why?

Because between the scene at the cemetery on Friday morning and today, he had come to a startling but painful conclusion: he wasn't free of that person. Kaoru still clung to the memory of him.

But these thoughts would come later, when he went back to his hotel room alone, thinking of the events of the evening.

Currently, he was looking around trying to locate a black haired woman he'd lost sight of since he stepped off the stage.

After the speech and the handshaking and the congratulations, he'd turned to the buffet table to see Kaoru's reaction to his speech.

But when he did, she hadn't been there and for a moment he'd irrationally panicked about her absence. Maybe she'd left. Walked away again.

But now, he knew her absence was more due the fact that she wasn't here for socializing but doing her job.

Megumi handed him a plate. He accepted it with a grateful smile, although the last thing he wanted to do right now was line up at the buffet table and fill his plate with the sumptuous offerings.

He saw a black-haired woman walk out from open balcony doors at the side of the building. He thought they must lead to the kitchen since the catering staff had come from exactly that same direction all evening carrying the platters of food now on the table.

However, said black-haired wasn't the one he was looking for, although he knew her. Maybe she could tell him where Kaoru was. Somehow it had become imperative that he'd talk to Kaoru.

Misao approached the red-haired man, thinking that he was exactly the right thing her friend needed, to get out of her one-year funk. Although, she suspected, if Kaoru knew about her plan she'd protest vehemently.

Smiling she greeted him with, "Nice to see you again, Kenshin."

Smiling back he said, "Nice to see you too, Misao."

Misao exchanged greetings with Sano and Megumi

Turning back to Kenshin she asked teasingly "Would it be extremely tacky and bothersome of me to ask you to autograph your latest book for me?"

Kenshin's eyes crinkled, knowing where she was getting at. They'd met for the first time about five years ago, introduced to each other by Kaoru. She'd squealed in delight, shoved a copy of his book in his face, handed him a pen and asked him to sign the book for her. He'd laughingly agreed.

Kenshin's first impression of Misao was that she was someone who knew how to enjoy life. He thought she would be exactly the kind of friend Kaoru needed, because she tended to become overly serious about things.

Though they were not exactly close, they did share something important: Kaoru.

"Give me the book and a pen to sign it with," he answered congenially, but what he really wanted was to ask Misao where Kaoru was.

"I left it in the kitchen."

She paused and then said innocently, "Kaoru's there."

Some perverse part of him wanted to smile nonchalantly and pretend that this wasn't the best thing he'd heard all evening. But catching Sano's knowing smile, he gave up the idea.

Excusing himself, he walked over to the two doors leading to Kaoru.

As he entered, he heard the chatter of people coming from the kitchen. And in the middle of it all was Kaoru, talking to a young woman in wait staff uniform.

He took a few moments to look at her profile before he walked into the room.

A young man, dressed in the same wait staff uniform as the young woman Kaoru was talking to, approached him with an inquiring smile.

"Can I help you sir?"

Kenshin shook his head while mumbling, "I came to see her," indicating Kaoru with his hand.

The young man gave him a curious look before turning away with a smile. For some strange reason Kenshin felt like an idiot.

Kaoru was still talking to the young woman and didn't notice Kenshin standing there. Kenshin suddenly wondered what he would say to her. But before he had any more time to think about that, she turned and her eyes widened in surprise, just like earlier.

The impact of her eyes up close made Kenshin hold his breath for a second.

An errant memory flitted through his brain.

At a book signing some years ago, a fan had asked him what his favorite color was.

He'd answered: sapphire blue.

To be continued...

* * *

Ok, so my brain was full of juicy plum ideas for the story, but then I went to the beach (because it's summer!) and the sun dried up all these wonderful thoughts leaving me with this dried prune of a chapter. Forgive me for taking so much time in updating (again!)

This isn't exactly the best chapter but I hope it makes enough sense. Note: If things don't make sense, are inconsistent or illogical, I must warn you that I never made any claims at being logical, reasonable or remotely rational!

Anyway, review please!!!! Please go visit my site…the address is in my profile page.

xoxo

Lillienne

PS. Even after several animal cracker sacrifices, the copyright gods haven't answered my heart wrenching desperate pleas and Rurouni Kenshin still doesn't' belong to me. Drat!


	5. Memories

**For You**

* * *

As far as she could remember, her favorite color had always been purple.

And as soon as she had been old enough to care about hair and looks, she had thought it grossly unfair that a boy should have such beautiful eyes.

The surprise of seeing Kenshin here in the kitchen left part of Kaoru's brain curiously blank for a few seconds. The other part registered something that she would later recognize as excitement, something she hadn't felt for quite a while now. The sensation was both strange and unsettling.

Kenshin's mind raced for something to say. Something intelligent, something witty, something sophisticated. Something. Anything.

"Hi," he managed to say. Hi, like he was some high school boy with a crush. He wanted to hit himself.

"Hi," Kaoru replied breathlessly. Hi, like a high school girl with a crush. She wanted to hit herself.

An awkward silence followed. Both were looking for something else to say.

"Your hair is shorter," Kenshin said.

Kaoru touched her hair, "I had it cut."

"Yeah," Kenshin thought he sounded like an idiot. Had he gone completely daft?

"It looks good, though," he added.

"Thank you," Kaoru answered, feeling a bit foolish.

"Remember fourth grade?" he asked.

"What about fourth grade?" Kaoru asked curiously.

"You had your hair cut really short," Kenshin reminded her.

"Oh, yes, I remember that. I looked like a boy."

"Like a cute boy," Kenshin said. Then he wanted to hit himself again. That hadn't come out right.

The look on Kaoru's face told him that, "Uhmm..."

"What I mean was that even if your hair was really short like a boy's you still looked cute," he corrected himself.

"Thank you, I guess..." Kaoru said, strangely flattered.

"I saw Misao," Kenshin said. It was a total non sequitur. Just shut-up, he ordered himself silently.

"She's been looking forward to seeing you."

"She asked me if I could sign a book for her," this was definitely not what he had in mind when he wanted to talk to Kaoru.

"I know...it's in her bag...wait a minute...I'll get it," Kaoru turned and left Kenshin standing in the busy kitchen.

Kenshin wondered what he was doing here...okay he knew what he was doing here. Making a complete fool of himself. But what had he thought he would accomplish anyway? This was a mad impulse he just followed without thinking it through.

Kaoru returned with a book and pen in hand. She handed the book and pen to Kenshin. He took them and signed the book and handed them back to Kaoru.

"It's a very good book," Kaoru said to him.

"You think so?" Kenshin felt flattered that Kaoru liked his latest book. Although, she'd told him after every book of his that had been published that she liked them as well.

"Yes. It's suspenseful and hard to put down just like your other books...but it's also more complex...I can't explain it exactly...it's just richer...am I making sense?"

"Yes you are."

Another awkward silence followed.

"I was surprised to see you back there," Kenshin finally said.

"Really?" Kaoru asked.

"Yes," he said solemnly

"I'm glad," she replied just as solemnly.

"I'm glad that you're glad," he said.

They stood still, looked at each other and then started laughing.

It felt strange to laugh like she really meant it. Not that it was entirely uncomfortable

Kenshin hadn't expected this to happen when he had set his mind to finding Kaoru. Not that he was entirely sure anymore what he had expected.

The staff in the kitchen stopped with what they were doing to look at their employer laughing with the red-haired man.

Some of them recognized Kenshin and were wondering how their boss knew the famous writer. Some were just startled to see their boss laughing, seeming genuinely happy.

"I can't believe that we're reduced to this," Kaoru said to Kenshin.

"Reduced to what?" he asked her, entranced by the smile on her face.

"Trading inanities," she said with that smile.

"It wasn't that bad," he said.

"I know...it's just strange...we haven't talked since..." Kaoru suddenly stopped.

Kenshin knew how the sentence ended. They hadn't talked since the funeral about a year ago.

"So how are you..."

"Doing?" Kaoru finished the question for him.

Kenshin nodded, all the while he wanted to hit himself for putting back that sadness in Kaoru's eyes.

Kaoru stood still for a second, "

Kenshin wished that Kaoru had said "I'm moving on." Because then he could ignore that little scene at the cemetery yesterday and finally do what he had always wanted to do.

Yet, he couldn't. Not with the evidence right in front of him.

Shadows in sapphire pools, a line he used in one of his books suddenly flitted through his mind.

Someone asked him once, that with all the success and money he had from writing books, if he envied anybody. His answer then had been no.

In this, his answer would have been yes.

He was jealous of a man who's been dead one year, but lives on in the memory of the one woman who'd be the only person who'd complete him.

He was perverse. He was in love. And always would be.

"So what can I do for you?" she suddenly asked.

Kaoru thought it a strange thing to ask, but she had become uncomfortable by Kenshin's brooding silence and the startling reminder of Kichiro. One minute she was laughing, the next she was back in the shadows.

So she'd blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Interesting question," Kenshin said as he looked at her intently.

"How so?" the look in Kenshin's eyes worried her. She wasn't sure why.

He considered the question while looking at Kaoru, feeling the little jolt in the region of his heart that only the sight of Kaoru could produce.

"Sometimes, I'm not exactly sure what I want from you...but I know what you do to me. Okay the first part's not true...I know exactly what I want from you...but I'm not entirely sure you can do that for me."

The exchange was getting stranger. Kaoru looked at Kenshin, a suspicion forming in her mind.

Kenshin was shocked by what he told Kaoru, because as little sense as his statement made to him right now...it was the complete truth about how he felt about Kaoru and this situation that he seemed to be in.

"Are you drunk?" Kaoru asked him.

"What?"

"Are you drunk?" she repeated.

"I'm not sure," he answered, because he wasn't.

Maybe he was drunk. Maybe that was what had fuelled his mad impulse to seek out Kaoru. Although in the deepest part of himself he knew that he'd always feel the mad impulse to seek Kaoru out, no matter how drunk or not drunk he was.

This wasn't going at all like he'd hoped.

"Maybe I should go back to the party..." he said to her.

Kaoru found herself reaching out to touch his arm, but stopped herself.

Instead she said, "Okay."

Kenshin wished that she'd asked him to stay. But it would be better if he'd go.

"Okay," he said to her.

They looked at each other. At that moment Kenshin felt this undeniable connection between them that he wanted to blurt out his feelings for her.

"I..."

"Excuse me..." a woman in the wait uniform addressed Kaoru.

Giving Kenshin an apologetic smile Kaoru said, "I have to get back to work."

Kenshin was relieved that the woman had stopped him from making a complete fool of himself. Again.

"I'm staying in Tokyo for a couple of days...maybe we could have dinner sometime," he said to Kaoru.

She smiled, "That would be nice."

"So I'll call you..." Kenshin said.

"Okay," she said.

Kenshin didn't know exactly how to exit. Saying goodbye seemed such a lame way to leave. So he gave her a half smile and turned to leave the kitchen.

"Kenshin..."

He stopped to look back at Kaoru.

"I'm glad you came to see me," and with a final sweet smile for Kenshin, Kaoru turned to talk to her employee.

Kenshin smiled and for the first time since he started this awkward conversation he felt glad that he came to see her.

* * *

She was standing in front of a display of Kenshin's books. She was holding one of his novels, looking at his picture at the back of the book.

"Do you like him?" someone asked.

Startled, Kaoru dropped the book. It fell on the floor with a muffled thud. The man, who had addressed her, bent to pick up the book and handed it back to Kaoru with an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, "he said.

Still a bit flustered Kaoru smiled vaguely, "It's okay..."

She put the book back on the table and was about to walk away.

"So, do you like him?" the man asked again.

She turned. Still unsure of him, she looked at him questioningly.

"Who?"

The man pointed to the stack of books displayed on the table, "Himura Kenshin."

For a brief second, Kaoru wondered if this man knew about her and Kenshin's past.

The man smiled, "You know, Himura Kenshin, the writer...do you like him?"

Kaoru smiled, "Oh him...the writer...yes, I do."

"Me too," the man said.

Kaoru smiled politely and was about to turn away again, but he spoke again.

"So, which one is your favorite?" he pointed to the books again.

Not wanting to be rude, she answered, "I don't know...I like them all equally, I guess."

"Oh come on...you must like one a little bit more than the others," the man argued.

Kaoru smiled again, "Okay, I like the first one the best...and not because it is better than all the others, because I think all of them are equally good...but because it's the first book, I guess. It's just special."

"Sort of like the first born?" the man asked.

Kaoru considered that for a moment, she thought it a strange thing to say.

"No, not like the firstborn...it's more like the first time you meet somebody really special. There's that moment when you know that this person is different...but good different. Like somehow that first encounter is going to change your life forever. I don't know how to describe it exactly... it's that feeling of discovery and excitement and wond..."

Kaoru abruptly stopped, embarrassed by her flow of words.

"I'm sorry..." she mumbled.

But the man just looked at her, a tiny smile hovering about his lips.

"Don't be. I know exactly what you mean..."

Kaoru looked up at the man's face. And the way he was looking at her made her think that he wasn't referring to the book. She blushed.

It occurred to her that she had been standing there talking to a stranger. Although, the man seemed to look vaguely familiar now that she had time to study him a little bit more.

But he was still a stranger and for all she knew he could be some psycho-stalker who hunted down Himura Kenshin fans or something like that.

She looked for a polite way to leave, not wanting to offend the man.

Something on her face must have alerted the stranger for he asked, "You don't remember me, do you?"

There was something vaguely familiar about him. And another part of Kaoru's brain commented quite irreverently that the man was really, really good looking.

"I'm sorry..." Kaoru said apologetically, still unsure of the man.

"You catered the garden party for Mrs. Nasukawa..." the man said.

"It was a costume party," she said. She thought it was an inane thing to say. But she remembered the affair. And it had been a costume party.

But still she wasn't quite sure who the man was.

"Yes. I was the Phantom of the Opera," the man said helpfully.

Now she knew why he had looked familiar to her!

She had been aware of him the whole night, intrigued by the half of his face that was covered by the mask. She had wondered if it looked as good as the other half that was not covered by the mask.

She'd only seen his whole face briefly, when they had bumped each other in the hallway leading to the bathroom. He had smiled at her and she had thought that he must be the most beautifully sculpted man in the world.

Smiling at the memory, she said to him, "I was dressed as a waitress that night."

The man chuckled and Kaoru noticed that his eyes crinkled very nicely when he did that.

"I'm HayashiKichiro," the man introduced himself.

Kaoru had to smile, "I'm..."

"Kamiya Kaoru," he finished for her with a smile.

Startled, she looked at him, "How do you know my name?"

The smile grew mischievous, "I asked Mrs. Nasukawa."

"Why?" she asked quite stupidly. But quite frankly she was startled that this man would ask the hostess for her name. Wait, maybe he wanted her to cater one of his parties. That must be it.

But Kichiro surprised her when instead of answering he said, "Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me?"

"I don't drink coffee," Kaoru said, partly because she really didn't and partly because she didn't really know the man.

"Okay, how about dinner, then?" the man asked undeterred.

"You're very direct," Kaoru said, curiously not at all taken aback by the man's persistence.

"Yes, well, I figured that if some gods up there thought me worthy enough to let me bump into you at this bookstore, I thought I should make good use of my fortune."

Kaoru couldn't believe that this was happening to her. She was in a bookstore and a gorgeous man was asking her out! Things like that never happened to her! And oh, how tempted she was to go out with him!

But the more cautious side of her made her say, "I'm very flattered but uhm...I'm not sure I should have dinner with you...I mean, I hardly know you...and you can't be too sure nowadays..."

The man stilled and Kaoru was half afraid that she'd offended him.

But then he grinned, "I think it's good that you're cautious because you really can't be too sure nowadays...and I did come off a bit stalker-ish, didn't I?"

Kaoru gave a vague smile in reply. There was something about this man that made her want to trust him. It made her wary but it also made her want to throw caution to the wind.

The man looked thoughtful for a second then said, "Okay, dinner's out...and you don't drink coffee. Would you like to have a cup of whatever you drink instead of coffee with me?"

Kaoru laughed, "You're very persistent."

"I told you I didn't want to waste my good fortune," he said.

"I could give you my number," Kaoru suggested.

"Okay...and if I called you, would you talk to me?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

Kichiro looked at her thoughtfully for a second, "Would it help if we called Mrs. Nasukawa?"

Confused, Kaoru asked, "Why would we want to call Mrs. Nasukawa?"

He laughed, "So that she can tell you that I am not a stalker, that I am in fact a very nice person and that I am very interested in you."

"How would she know that you're interested in me?"

"Let's call her," Kichiro said, taking out his cellphone.

It was Kaoru's turn to look thoughtfully at him. If he was a stalker, which she now doubted he was, he was a very nice and very handsome stalker. And if he wasn't a stalker, which she now truly believed, then he was a very handsome and charming man asking her out. And she, Kaoru, didn't have enough charming and handsome men in her life to turn this one down.

And so, after she let her single-female-looking-for-someone-handsome-and-charming part explain all this to her cautious part, she said to Kichiro, "There's a small restaurant just around the corner that serves some very good tea."

She could see the surprise on his face and itt made her feel more confident about her decision.

Then he gave her a devastating smile, "I would love to have a cup of tea with you."

They walked out of the bookstore and made their way to the restaurant.

And just before they went inside, he turned to her and said, "The gods must really be with me."

* * *

Kaoru opened her eyes, awakening from the dream that haunted her.

She stared at the ceiling, trying to chase the ghosts away for the day. But she knew they would return again. They always returned in her sleep.

This made her feel depressed and tired, something she had become so familiar with this past year.

She turned her head to look at the small alarm clock on her beside table. It was five thirty. She had had only four hours of sleep.

It was still early and she could stay in bed and try to catch more sleep. But she knew from past experience that she'd only be lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling waiting for her alarm to ring at six thirty.

And then she remembered. She hadn't set the alarm because it was Sunday and she didn't have any work to do today. In fact, as far as Misao was concerned, she was on vacation as of today.

Strangely this made her fell even more depressed and so she got up.

After a brief detour to her bathroom and now wearing a robe, she walked into her kitchen. She filled a kettle with water and put it on the stove.

She once bought an electric kettle but she never used it. She didn't know why exactly.

She got a mug and a teaspoon and placed them near the stove. She reached for the tin can where she put her teabags in. She took one out and put it in the mug.

Then she waited for the water to boil. She remembered something about 'watched kettles never boil' but she didn't really have anything else to do.

So, for what seemed like an eternity, she waited for the water to boil. She had been so absorbed with her task that she jumped a little in surprise when the kettle finally whistled.

She turned off the stove and filled the mug with hot water. She let the tea steep for a while until the water had turned to the shade she liked. Taking out the tea bag, she squeezed it, placed it in the sink and taking the mug with her she walked to the French doors that led to her little balcony.

Stepping outside, she could feel the chill of the early morning air. She took a sip from her mug, and the hot tea warmed her insides. She took a seat in a comfortable chair she had brought outside for occasions like these.

And as she watched the sun rise over the horizon in all its majesty, she felt the ghosts go away and turn back to what they really were: memories.

To be continued...

* * *

_That's another one for you. I hope it was satisfactory because I'm really worried._

_I don't have much time to work on my stories because, sadly, I have a job. But I promise to update as often as I can, because, strangely enough, I'm starting to really like this story._

_The whole awkward Kenshin/Kaoru conversation is based on a conversation I once had with someone._

_There's a line in Maroon5s 'She Will Be Loved' that I think is perfect for the story:_

_"She always belonged to someone else..."_

_Well, let me know what you think. And visit my site to see my replies to your reviews for the previous chapters. The link is in my profile page._

_xoxo,_

_Lillienne_

_PS. There's a universe where Rurouni Kenshin belongs to me. Sadly, this is not the one._


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